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Finding Our Place

May 5, 2015

Finding our place…

ellie and hopeSnapping some pictures of our new Puppy Hope this week, opened up the thought off change and growth. Hope is an incredible puppy who has rapidly growing in the 4 weeks since we collected her (is this a sign off bigger things to come?), but also in the picture I captured was Ellie. Her love for animals has never waived and her dedication to Hope is lovely to watch. It is difficulty for her to be ‘firm’ with Hope – especially in those nippy biting moments – ouch!

One big change for Ellie this week was coping with her best friend moving schools, having to seat beside the more rowdy boys in class and realising that getting her own room is still on hold! Simple things through the eyes off an adult, but not so much when you are 10 years old.

Another place and another change is in-that packing boxes have arrived at our house. Some of you may know that we are moving house in a few weeks. Britt’s role is changing and so we are moving (we will share more about his journey in an upcoming post). We have loved living in this peaceful home for the past 4 years. It has become our retreat after long days working in the dysfunctional and hectic world off the Mission and it was where we brought home our last baby.  I will be sad to leave the spacious kitchen and hidden garden. The bright light invited me to cook more interesting menus (!). Our new place is not very far away so thankfully the girls can stay at school. This will be the last school year for Ellie before she moves into the high school system. Children in the UK seat a transfer exam in November to determine their ability and next school to attend. It is a long, hard examination process and seems way too intense for 10 years olds to cope with. I hate it, and I hate to see their little faces crumpled when they perceive failure on practice papers. But there is always Hope….

emily and jake readingAs I toured around the house my camera caught one of those special can’t believe your eyes moment when Emily was teaching Jake to read! They have a budding and wonderful relationship that can move from hugs and kisses too squeals of, “Emily took this away from me…”, “Jake stop pulling my hair…”, “your not allowed to make my bed into a boat…”

Emily loves loves to teach. If it is not Jake then it is Hope and sometimes me. I couldn’t imagine her not in our family. Emily turns 8 in June and is eager to plan her party. She is restricted not to speak or make lists for food preparations until 4 weeks before. She is quite a cook….

britt readingAnd then of course there is Britt. Safe in his quiet world (which never seems to happen for him), tucked with a book. The new house will give him a box room to study. This makes my heart glad and will be the first space I will yield my decorating skills on. He has felt a dryness in study over the past few months, missing moments to reflect and vision God’s ways.  I admire and love his faithfulness to God’s call and the hard work he has poured into people and the mission and us.

Over Easter I was able to find a quiet place to think about the woman who went to the tomb and couldn’t find Jesus:

“Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” (John 20:13)

I just love that. Finding the Lord. Searching for Him and realising that He is right there. The Lord is right beside us. Walking our path and tenderly lifting us up and filling us with His love.

We often cannot find Him in the noise, mess or plans we have made. It is often difficult for me to calm my heart and listen and be still (I know you can identify). Apart from the quiet rocking chair in our room, one of the most powerful places for me to listen is during counselling sessions. It is such a challenging task to block out noise and really hear what is being said. I love listening for the under tones, the “not saids”. I love listening for tears not yet poured. I love knowing that God opens up the darkness and shows glimpses off the past and uses me in that journey.

In listening you also have to make right judgments. Is this person ready for a new direction, to take ownership? Can they tolerate and cope if they go to that place off pain? In areas of sexual trauma I take my shoes off because this is sacred and vulnerable and very painful. Patrick (not real name) told me recently that in his dreams/nightmares they see a green curtain (not real colour). They are not ready to see behind it and don’t want too. They are strong and confident in what God has done so far, and he is very thankful for the such a beautiful work in his life. He is not that fearful child anymore. What my client knows is enough for her at this stage. I love that ownership and personal responsibility because it is healing in itself.

What I love even more is that God is right there and it is He who is leading the sessions and taking my feeble (I am serious) feeble abilities and allows the person to breathe and be still and feel cared for and satisfied. The curtain can be revealed, or not. It all depends on what the person needs to help them heal. In the searching they go through grief and anger and hatred, and for some, a new excepting, a new kind of peace. They have found their place.

If you would like to read further on this issue then some of these resources may be helpful:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wounded-Heart-Victims-Childhood-Sexual-ebook/dp/B00IDHWRZ8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429431601&sr=1-1&keywords=dan+allender
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Boundaries-When-Say-Yes-How-ebook/dp/B000FC2K9W/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=1RPMB6DDHXV7P45B2S56

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It’s not fair… reflecting on family and ministry

November 30, 2014

DSC_0282I don’t know who announced it first, maybe it was our daughter who decided that life wasn’t fair when we told her she could not eat chocolate before breakfast, but whoever started the new phrase, Jake has suddenly latched onto this concept that life really is not fair especially when he can’t climb, cut with knives, eat dessert before dinner and re-braid the dolls hair.
With two birthdays just past and Christmas approaching we (or maybe I), try to think thoughtfully over gifts.  What do they really need, and what would be manageable with budget and size of house (seriously, there is no room for a train table so I just have to keep tripping over Thomas and Rosie the Special).  DSC_0343So many items seem desirable and of course EVERYONE in school has a DS, I-PaDSC_0266ds and all things involving plugs.  Noted, they are not asking for them, just sharing the almost truths.

I have felt ridiculously stressed about gifts, trying to make the right choices.  Stupid.  I know.

I also easily fall into discontentment, want and “not fair”.  After finding 15 year old journals in my parents’ attic, I realised this is an on-going problem!  Happiness is short lived.

However, as I say to the kids, “I know it’s seems unjust to you, I get that”, I’ve also come to an okay place that it is okay to want and like and need.  It’s okay to be occasionally extravagant.  What I’m really wrestling with and trying to teach the girls is that deep down, we all want something more lasting and more joy filled.

I am that woman wanting streams of living water to flow.  I am that mum who longs to bring squeals of delight and deep gratitude together.  I am that person wanting more steadiness and unwavering faith in those “for goodness sake” moments.

Many years ago a piece of paper with the following question was slipped to me: “within the painful circumstances you am facing, how can you still know joy in God’s presence?”  I’ve mulled this over many times and shared it with many people.  This question has sometimes, not always, led me to true joy that has sustained me in a time of confusion or hurt.

Many people in our church and community are experiencing much hurt from anger, cruel words, and strife from various sources.  Some clients coming for counselling see a blank page of misery and despair.  There is certainly nothing joy-filled in their circumstances.  The picture I hold is beauty and possibility.  I don’t push it straight away, in many cases it is very hard work and years of a journey together, but as their counsellor and as the church, surely we should try to be known by our hope, love and even joy in impossible circumstances.  What that looks like is valuing who they are and where  they have come from.

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The love of God means giving something beyond the Christmas platitudes.  It may mean saying, “I will walk with you in your hurt and pain.”  I will walk with you and together we can find more joy in the story around us.  In the miserableness can glimpses of beauty be found?

In the demands of trying to be everything for everybody and getting Christmas right, can we just be still and content? I’m going to try, because I do know One who offers so much more (and we kind of have a difficult relationship).

I do believe there is a lasting joy in Christ that makes sense even when life seems so darn unfair and these are the words He draws me with –  “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” (John 7:37-38)

Alison

In This Post: Celebrations & Asking For Your Help

November 26, 2014

We have not been that good at posting on this blog since our return from America in early September. Rather than just offer one piece today, we are planning to give a few perspectives over the next few days of what life and ministry has been like in the last couple of months.

Celebrations

in the Square  (3)Today, we want to share about a couple of special celebrations. In September, we held the third annual Skainosfest, a festival day offered to the local community with a wide variety of entertainment and activities for all ages. One of the goals was to celebrate a variety of cultures, so the day included a brass band, a flute band, a folk group, Irish dancers and a Chinese dragon. Children had the opportunity to have their face painted, make in the Square  (17)and launch their own rocket, watch a puppet show, attend a drumming workshop, and interact with animals (including owls and a wallaby). There were demonstrations on healthy cooking in the community garden and a BBQ for everyone. We estimate that 1,500 people joined us for some portion of time on the day.

My favorite moment on this Saturday was a conversation, near the close of the day, with a 2014 skainosfest - patrick rocket workshopwoman attending with her grandson. She shared how her family was moving through a tumultuous and uncertain time that had challenged her faith.  She and her grandson had enjoyed a marvelous day together in the midst of a tough time.  After all the buzz of activity, the day closed for me by praying for strength alongside this woman and her grandson.

The festival in October surrounded the celebration of Harvest, and a group from the church partnered with staff and volunteers at EBM’s homelessness project to put together a great weekend. Skainos Square had a variety of scarecrows which were made by local people and the sanctuary was decorated with gifts of food that were donated to our homelessness project. Our worship held a strong theme of thanksgiving for God’s provision.

My greatest moment of thanksgiving that day had to do with a young man who offered a solo on the tenor horn. Over the past year, this Jonny has become a regular part of congregational life. Though he plays the horn at a very high standard, he had not played in front of any groups for over three years due to a number of personal difficulties and circumstances. After getting to know Jonny over this past year, it was an incredibly beautiful moment to hear him play “somewhere over the rainbow” as part of our worship. We were moved to hear such quality music from a young man on a tremendous new journey.

Asking for your help

If you would ever consider giving a gift to the work of EBM, now is the perfect time, as we are moving through a challenging financial time.  A number of circumstances have come together to bring a strain on our cash flow – and your gifts during this season will really make an impact.  This coming Tuesday, there is a chance that your gift could be doubled, as the first 1 million given to UMC advance projects will be matched!  Would you consider making a gift this year toward the ministry of EBM? If you are able, please click on the image below or go to the website: www.umcmission.org/give and then search for “Skainos Project” (Project 14698T).

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We know you, like us, believe in the work of East Belfast Mission and how it is an incredible help to many in the surrounding community. Without some immediate intervention some programs will have to be cancelled.  This is a terrible stress for us working here.  Double Tuesday is certainly coming at the right time and will be a blessing!

Britt, Alison, Ellie, Emily & Jake

A short video…

September 15, 2014

While in America, we made a short video to share something about ministry at East Belfast Mission.  It is set to Andrew Peterson’s song, “The Last Frontier” which portrays someone who has nearly lost all hope and then finds love at one of the lowest places in their lives.

Let us know what you think.

Link to Video

Back in Belfast

September 15, 2014

We have returned to Belfast after spending the month of August visiting Methodist churches in Florida, Georgia, and Mississippi.  We were in 20 different places during the month, and it was amazing to witness the variety of settings for ministry across these churches.

  • In Madison county, FL – where the per capita income is the lowest in the state, we met in a building shared by a number of churches for the purpose of local outreach.
  • In Starkville, MS, we met in between worship services with 50 students from Miss St. University who had just returned for the fall semester.
  • In Titusville, FL, we heard about the loss of work due to the changing nature of the USA space program.

Very distinct places, and a wide diversity of community needs, and yet the same God who inspires worship in every place.  Alison and I found there was a unity of spirit in the way people welcomed us across these different locations – and we rejoiced at the Spirit of God within each of these churches.  In Ephesians 4, Paul writes on the topic of unity in the midst of diversity:

I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.   

Ephesians 4:1-6

The passage highlights our calling to maintain the unity of God’s Spirit in our bonds with one another – and it is hard work!  Welcoming missionaries for a day is no problem compared to the humility and gentleness that are required in our day to day relationships with brothers and sisters we live among.

We arrived back in Belfast on August 31st after an overnight flight – and the girls started school the following day!  In the past ten days, we have sought to reestablish patterns of ‘normal life’ at home and being back at EBM.  In both places, it is an important task to ‘bear with one another in love’.  May we each find God’s strength to do just that in our daily lives.

Peace,

Britt and Alison

Nurturing Hearts

May 22, 2014

One of the amazing qualities about East Belfast Mission is that it has become a nurturing place, a “safe haven” in which the vulnerable and hurting of society feel welcome.  Here, they are welcome.  Here is a “home” for those broken and messy. It is not uncommon to meet the same people multiple times in the day, often hanging around the front desk, to greetings off, “Yes, I’m still here!”  There are no pretenses, importance, or needing to prove one’s worth or successes.  How different from the values of our world when it is what you can offer, your status, your achievements etc. which matter most.

We were recently watching a TV show called “The Voice”.  It is a singing competition with celebrity judges that each mentor several singing artists.  As the show reached the final episode, there was one contestant left for each ‘judge’, and these stars took their contestants on a special day out.

The days they experienced were incredible.  One of the judges, Will.I.Am (a hip-hop artist) took his contestant to Buckingham Palace.  Another, Kylie Minogue, took her contestant to a huge concert where they met Justin Timberlake in person.  The theme seemed clear – doors were opening up for these talented, young singers.  They had made it to the final of “The Voice” and would now be meeting important and influential people.

As we traveled through Easter season it struck us what a contrast this is to the life of the disciples, and the people they met on their ‘day trips’ with Jesus.  They offered healing to the lame, welcomed children, conversed with marginalized women, and ate with ‘tax collectors and sinners’.  Despite this example, we see that the disciples still wanted to be in the limelight. In Matthew 20, we witness James, John and their mother asking for the best seats in the kingdom. Jesus teaches them, “whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.”  He then demonstrates what this looks like by spending time with two blind men on the side of the road.

Recently at EBM, a man (let’s call him Steve) told me how the people and the place have ‘saved his life’.  Coming through the years of “the troubles” in Northern Ireland, Steve’s life was under threat by paramilitary groups.   This was no abstract anxiety; he had a good friend killed during these years of violence.  The trauma led Steve, along with many others, to severe depression and struggles with alcohol.

In recent years, Steve found a welcome place in the community groups run by East Belfast Mission.  He began to discover meaningful ways to volunteer, and this opened up further friendships and new possibilities.  When we began a dinner and discussion program called “Questions about God”, he was one of the people who came along and invited others.

Steve’s story is not alone.  There are a lot of people who have stories filled with pain who have found support, friendship, or new possibility in the hallways of the Mission.  But Steve’s story is unique and sacred, for he is created in the image of God.  He may not have what our culture values as important, his pained face tells a different story. But at the Mission, he matters.

Prayer: God, open our eyes to the ways you view the people around us. Guard us from selfish ambition, or wanting to be ‘the best’, and teach us to serve with humility. Help us remember that our lives are valuable because of your love. Amen.

 Family News:

 We recently had a wonderful week with a visit from the American Grandparents: GG & Poppy. We visited the beautiful North Coast and crossed the treacherous Carrick-rede-rope-bridge (aah!!!)

 

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The morning’s golden rays

April 7, 2014

Early this morning I got to sit outside on the porch and watch golden rays across the skies in its beauty and ever changing shapes.  A lovely reflection of God’s artwork in many lives here in Belfast.  The shape of situations change and there is often beauty, but we sometimes fail to experience it.

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Picture of sunrise in Belfast

This week within counseling, I got to experience one of those golden moments.  With kids having more than one emotional upset, Britt’s bag being lost {and found!}, a new course starting at the Mission, and other stresses of life, I think God wrapped me in His embrace and reassured the heart of why we do what we do.  Working with one client for the past two years, a former paramilitary member, we have come to a great working relationship.  Despite our differences, there is respect and understanding.

We talked about forgiveness and remembered a certain father (Gordon Wilson) who publicly forgave the men that planted a bomb, killing his daughter, at a Memorial Day Service in Enniskillen, Co. Fermanagh in 1987.  That happens to be my home place and I remember the day that dreadful bomb exploded, killing 11 civilians.  Wilson’s response to the bombing, which was broadcast around the world, was a huge shock to many in this community – “I bear no ill will.  I bear no grudge.”  Gordon Wilson was a sincere and devoted Christian who served his family and community well.  He was also our neighbour and a man who continued to speak out for peace and forgiveness until he died.   For a father to come to a place of peace in his own loss and pain was the man my family knew him to be.

Mr. Wilson’s modeling of forgiveness, though inspiring to some ears, was also surprising, shocking, and even revolting to others.  For my client, hearing Wilson’s plea for peace on television, was sickening.  He looked at me with such harshness, as he bellowed, “Alison, it made me sick to see him [offer forgiveness]”, “how could a father forgive the scum who murdered his daughter?”, “he was nothing but a stupid ### to forgive those IRA murdering ####”.

Vicious language is hard for me to grasp.  It was especially hard since it was about someone I knew growing up.   I also know that forgiving anyone or anything seems so far removed from any common sense place.  But I also know that this client knew very little of what it is to be offered second chances, to be offered hope or to be offered a new possibility.  Can God re-shape his story and create beauty in the place of darkness?

I began to share with him a little of what I believe forgiveness to be.  We talked and listened a lot to each other that day.  Forgiving is the means to let go, not because the other person ever deserves it, or accepts your forgiveness, but it is to let go off the angry twisted pain that chokes your own heart and leaves you drained and bitter and resentful for the rest of your life.

His tense body began to ease.  This is a man who is so full of hurt.  He is angry toward himself, God, his own life and relationships.  What is it like for him to take all his own guilt, shame and hatred and let it go? What is it like for him to seek something more life giving?  To seek to forgive and be forgiven?

Spring daffodils

Golden daffodils

To forgive is a powerful act and one we all battle with.  Sometimes our minds return to the same situation and hurt, and we must decide to forgive again and again.  I sat this week and felt the great power of God opening the eyes to one who held a gun and committed crimes and begin to do a work of change within his life.  This was a golden moment for sure.   I love to seat with him each week in this place.  Beautiful privilege.  It was a real embrace from God to me and, I also believe to my hate-fueled client who is softening and being changed.  His response the following few days was, “I would like to shake his {Mr. Wilson’s} hand.  Because he is a better man than I”.  Moments of golden rays sprinkling all over our messy lives.  God, is indeed here.

 

 

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